To hell with it
by JadeSelena
Summary: Follow-up to the finale.  Sometimes you just have to jump...
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I know some of you are waiting for the next installment of _God help her _(and it's coming - I swear) but I had to get this out of my system first. Seeing as I was not completely (at all) satisfied by the final two episodes I've decided to fix it on my own. It turned out a lot longer than my other follow-ups (more issues to resolve, I guess) so I've split it into two parts, the second of which will be up as soon as I finish reading and rereading and tweaking and... Anyway, please enjoy the 1st part of _my _finale.

**Don't own the characters or the show. **Kinda wish I did, though. And not for the money.

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><p>The Black Penny was raucous with sounds of music and merriment, most every member of the 15 having shown up to celebrate Swarek's safe retrieval. The usual gang (with a few notable exceptions) amused themselves with a game of Follow The Leader darts while they waited for the Guest of Honor to arrive.<p>

Between throws Dov surreptitiously watched the entrance, telling himself he was keeping an eye out for Sam and Andy and _not_ the fiery blonde who inspired in him equal amounts awe and adoration and guilt. It wasn't like it was voluntary – things had just started to resemble normal and he wanted (needed) to keep them that way – but now that she'd snubbed Chris' clumsy attempt at hitting reset he couldn't help but crave the little time he got to spend with her. It was quite the double-edged sword: either he had to see her all over his best friend or he barely got to see her at all.

For his part Chris was hoping the whole Swarek scare had shown Gail that life was too short, especially in their line of work, to hold a grudge. She would walk in the door and he would buy her a drink (or two) and with some groveling on his part (okay, _a lot_ of groveling) they would make up before the night was through. And none-too-soon, either; once he'd gotten over the non-betrayal he'd realized he missed her like crazy. Missed the way she'd hit the snooze button repeatedly if he let her, her uncontrolled giggles when he'd tickle her to bring her fully to consciousness, the trailing of her nails up his abs in retaliation and what usually came after. He'd do anything to have those simple things (and a million others) back again.

Dov was about to give up on her showing at all when the door opened and in she walked like she owned the place. His relief was short-lived, his smile fading, when Callaghan sauntered in behind her to put a hand on the small of her back. "Hey – what do you think that's about?" he nudged Chris as the pair went up to the bar.

"Huh?" Chris followed the tilt of Dov's chin, then shrugged. "They've been working together."

He thought his best friend was being his usual naïve self but didn't say anything. Not with his mouth, anyway.

Chris could tell by the subtle lift of Dov's eyebrow that he didn't believe it. Shaking his head he argued, "Gail wouldn't get involved with him; he's a dirty cheater."

"According to you so is she," Dov pointed out wryly. It was a low blow but he hadn't been able to help himself.

Giving him a wounded look Chris turned his attention to his beer just as Gail and Luke joined the group and greetings were exchanged.

"You guys just coming from the station?" Oliver asked.

Luke nodded. "Had some paperwork to finish up." And an internal debate to wage. He'd finally decided that, if nothing else, turning Gail down might have been bad for his career. It was a blatant pretext but it worked for him…

Jerry had left his paperwork for tomorrow. Or next week. "Any sign of Sam? Or Andy?" They were all worried about the fate of their friends, his girlfriend especially, and he was hoping to put her mind at ease. Without having to ask Frank.

"Yeah – I don't think we'll be seeing them tonight," Gail supplied knowingly. After belatedly checking to make sure Frank wasn't listening (he was thankfully preoccupied with Noelle) she added with a sly wink, "They've got better things to do…"

Chris looked up, confused. "Like what?" How could they not want to celebrate?

Gail rolled her eyes at his obliviousness, supremely grateful it wasn't her job to enlighten him anymore. Catching Traci's eye she mouthed, "She's fine."

Traci nodded her thanks. She figured they'd probably both been suspended but at least they were together. However ill-advised _that_ was…

"Any chance we can get in on the action?" Luke proposed, turning the conversation away from his ex and onto the game of darts.

"Oh, no – not me," Gail quickly shook her head. "I can't guarantee if you put a pointy object in my hand I'll be aiming at the board…" She still couldn't believe the boys had tried to just sweep everything under the rug. While acting like they were doing her a favor, no less.

Dov knew the comment was meant for him as well as Chris but grinned anyway; he'd take 'violent tendencies' Gail over 'defanged' Gail any day.

Luke smiled down at her. "Don't you worry, Peck – I'll keep you on the straight and narrow."

Yeah - like _anyone_ could keep her on the straight and narrow if she didn't want to be… Chris gave a skeptical snort.

"Fine," Gail conceded with a grimace, "But if I accidentally/on purpose take someone out, _Callaghan,_ it's on you…" She wasn't kidding, though she suspected he thought she was.

Traci got Dov's attention then looked pointedly between the blondes. It didn't take a cop's instincts to see what was going on…

Between her attempt at a karaoke set-up and the current goading Dov was starting to think Traci knew more than she should have. He forced an indifferent shrug even though he was anything but.

Pete silently took everything in, wanting to get a reading on the group dynamic before integrating himself. Best he could tell it was very messy. Epstein had barely torn his eyes away from Peck since she'd walked in and Diaz couldn't seem to bring himself _to _look at her. For her part she hadn't made eye contact with either of them. If anyone had _had_ the time to gossip that day Pete was almost certain some of it would have involved those three. On second thought, that Guns and Gangs guy _had _said something about Deckstein and Pez. He found himself wondering if melding names was as common an occurrence at the 15 as inter-departmental relationships seemed to be…

"You just remember who your favorite is," Jerry warned Gail. He wasn't giving up his (future) preferential treatment just because they were knocking boots.

Gail didn't have favorites – she had 'most useful at the moment's. "Of course, Detective," she placated, overly sweetly.

Traci rolled her eyes. She was close to being the youngest person in the room and yet she always felt like the most mature. It was sad, really.

"Are we gonna play or are we gonna keep squabbling?" Oliver mocked, scrubbing the scoreboard and adding the newcomer's names.

The next twenty minutes were spent in mostly amiable competition, Dov biting his tongue while Luke 'showed' Gail how to throw a dart. She'd played before, was far from the worst amongst them, but that didn't stop her from acting the hopeless ingénue in need of guidance. She was first out, Luke not long after, and Dov had the sinking suspicion that they'd thrown the game on purpose.

Luke heaved a sigh of mock-defeat and led Gail away, calling over his shoulder, "Let us know when you guys are ready for a rematch…"

"Still think it's nothing?" Dov derided once they were out of earshot.

"It _is_ nothing." Chris wouldn'tallow himself to think anything else.

Dov questioned who Chris was _really_ trying to convince but let it go to focus on the game, trying to relegate her to the back of his mind as he'd tried so many times before. As per usual he failed. Miserably. He lasted about 10 minutes before scanning the room for her. "Doesn't look like nothing to me…"

Chris glanced over to find Gail turned into Luke and him giving her a charmed smile. "It doesn't mean anything," he reiterated hotly.

"If you say so…" But Dov wasn't so sure. Not when she brushed her hair back to expose her pale neck; not when Luke said something and she actually _genuinely_ laughed. If he hadn't known it was impossible he would swear he could hear the sound over the din of the bar, so it must have been his memory supplying the melody to torture him.

Something or nothing, the sight was tearing Chris apart. "I can't watch anymore."

Dov rolled his eyes when Chris turned away. He didn't really want to look, either, but it was the first real smile he'd seen Gail wear in ages and he couldn't _not_ look.

Chris purposefully stared at a Guinness poster on the wall until the not knowing got to him. "What's happening now?"

Heaving a pained sigh Dov told him, "She's playing coy." He could see her eyes sparkling from across the room and he suddenly realized that Chris dropping the guilt trip had nothing at all to do with the old Gail being back. Which left him horribly torn between wanting to thank Luke and wanting to put him in traction…

"And he's buying it?" Chris scoffed. If there was one adjective that clearly didn't apply to Gail it was that one. If it meant what he thought it meant…

Traci saw the guys' not-so-subtle attempts to spy on Gail and shook her head. That was one triangle (pentagon, now?) she was happy to not be a part of. Didn't mean she wasn't sorely tempted to get involved, if only to save them from themselves. _Kids._

"Yup." Luke was leaning in, _his_ eyes shining, and Dov knew he was enjoying the game as much as she was. The term 'willing victim' jumped to mind unbidden. "Apparently Peck got her groove back…"

Chris took a peek before he could stop himself, cringing at how close they were. "She's just trying to get a rise out of us…"

It amazed Dov how quickly Chris had gone from territorial Neanderthal to discussing Gail like she was a communal girlfriend. Not that Dov had never _felt_ like she was a communal girlfriend (it was hard not to with all the time they'd spent together) but Chris' drastic changes in attitude made him consider a trip to the doctor. Maybe the guy was bipolar and had never been diagnosed…

"Diaz – you're up," Oliver called.

Chris took his turn then covered surveillance while Dov did the same.

Throwing his darts Dov deliberately missed the target to lose his last life and get knocked from the game. "Did I miss anything?" he asked Chris when he returned to his post.

"I was made," Chris confessed sheepishly. "Callaghan caught me staring and told Gail."

Dov risked looking at the table but neither was paying them any attention; Gail was glaring into her drink and Luke was brushing her hair back to whisper something in her ear. She smiled at him then, gratefully, and leaned in to whisper something of her own. When she pulled back Dov muttered, "Uh-oh."

Chris didn't like the sound of that. "What, '_uh-oh'_?"

"She's giving him _the look_." The same one Dov had (unfortunately) seen her give Chris hundreds of times; the one that ultimately promised she was going to remove your clothes with her teeth. He would have given anything to be on the receiving end of one of those looks…

The way he'd said it told Chris _exactly_ what look he meant, and his hands balled into fists. He hadn't even had a chance to put his plan into motion…

"They make a cute couple," Pete opined out of nowhere, more confused than ever on the relationship between the three. Maybe they were just overly-involved big brother types… "You guys _really_ don't follow Regs at the 15, do you?" Sergeants with officers, detectives with rookies. And none of them even trying to hide it.

Dov had forgotten the kid was even there he was such a non-entity. "You'll last longer if you keep your opinions to yourself, Sun," he advised, hating that he couldn't really dispute either statement. Gail and Luke's kids would _definitely_ have straw-colored hair and crystal-blue eyes, and the thought was enough to make him feel sick.

"Game's almost done," Oliver volunteered as Luke and Gail walked up. "Just Jerry, Noelle and Diaz left."

"Actually, we're going to head out," Luke told him. "Long day…"

Traci radiated disapproval in Gail's direction, trying to confer without words that _this_ was not the way to deal with her problems.

Gail didn't appreciate the judgmental attitude; it wasn't like Andy hadn't moved on, and it wasn't like she hadn't earned herself a distraction with the month she'd had. And from what she'd heard Callaghan would be a _very_ good distraction indeed… Just to let Traci know how much she _didn't_ care she threw her a saucy wink. "Catch you on the flip side…"

Chris couldn't let her leave without at least _trying_ to stop her. "Gail, can we…"

"Medication, Chris," she cut him off harshly. "Look into it." After the hell he'd put her through he didn't deserve the time of day much less a minute of _her _time.

Anxious to put an end to the awkwardness the others said their goodbyes and went back to the game as the pair walked off.

"The clock's ticking…" Traci warned as Gail and Luke paused at the bar so he could close out the tab.

"You heard her…" Chris defended, crushed. "I'm the last person she wants to have anything to do with." He was pretty sure she wasn't willing to go against her 'one break' rule anymore.

Traci rolled her eyes and kicked Dov none-too-gently in the shin. "You're just gonna stand there?"

Dov stared at her blankly, not knowing what she expected _him_ to do about it. One – he was nobody to Gail; she'd made that abundantly clear. Two – he _had_ a girlfriend; not the right one, but still. And three – he'd just gotten his best friend back and didn't want to jeopardize it; not for nothing, anyway. "Why wouldn't I?"

Catching on to what Traci was doing Chris shook his head at her and went to get another beer. If it was a toss-up between his best friend and the cheating ex-fiancé of another close friend he wasn't sure who he'd prefer, but he wasn't gonna stick around to be a part of the decision.

Burying the guilt as he shuffled away Traci reminded Dov, "'Cause Peck is _awe_-some…"

Like Dov didn't _know_ that. Peck was a lot of other things, too; the bane of his existence, for one. "So? Who says she wants anything to do with _me_?" As much as it hurt to admit it.

"You guys are so stupid." It was a good thing her life _was_ 'quaint' because between Andy's and Gail's relationship woes Traci wouldn't have any energy _left_ to deal with her own issues. "For the last month I have watched you two avoid each other like the plague; have you actually _talked _to each other?"

Fighting mounting irritation he countered, "There's nothing to talk about; she blames me for the break-up and I can't say she's wrong to…"

Traci took a deep breath to dispel the urge to smack him. "It doesn't strike you as odd that Chris broke up with her because of _your _feelings?" It had taken a bit of deductive reasoning but between the details she'd (painstakingly) gathered from Gail and the little bits she'd 'accidentally' overheard she had a pretty good idea of what had happened. It helped that she hadn't forgotten the conversation they'd had about Gail way back when they'd first started at the 15, or Gail's mini freak-out when he was in the meth house.

Dov's brow furrowed while he processed what she was (not) saying. "You need to stop drinking," he recommended, mockingly tipping his glass at her while his eyes darted to where Luke was holding the door open for Gail.

"Fine – don't believe me." Following his gaze she went for the jugular. "But they're both on the rebound – you let her leave with him and the next wedding invite you get might be theirs…" Okay, so it was a bit of an exaggeration but the boy obviously needed a kick in the pants.

"Nobody _lets _Gail do anything," Dov argued, searching Traci's eyes for any sign that she'd been put up to it as a sick form of revenge. He wouldn't need three guesses to figure out by whom.

_Ugh._ She supposed being a defeatist was an unfortunate side-effect of being in love with the untouchable Gail Peck. "Okay, but maybe if she knew she had another option she'd _choose _not to…"

He wanted to believe her, more than anything, but that was a pretty big 'maybe' to bet the house on. And the car. And the boat. "I don't know…"

"Be the bear, Dov!" Traci encouraged, giving him a push to get him going. If that didn't work a _literal_ kick in the pants was next.

_To hell with it. _Dov turned the momentum of the shove into a sprint towards the door, deciding that the consequences of her being right and doing nothing were worse than the alternative. "Tell Chris I'm sorry," he told her over his shoulder, even though he was almost certain it wouldn't matter.

Traci watched him go, sending up a silent prayer that she _was_ right. Her instincts told her she was, and her instincts were usually spot on, but there was still the nagging possibility that Gail's caginess on the subject was just a natural by-product of her 'colorful' personality. And if it turned out she was _wrong_ Traci didn't know she'd ever be able to forgive herself for being the one to push him off the cliff…


	2. Promises

Since we have to wait a year for resolution to Peckstein I've decided to end this one the way _I_ want, canon be damned.

Nothing's changed since last week - **Still don't own the show or its characters**

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><p>Gail heard her name on the wind but kept on walking; if by some chance it wasn't her imagination she didn't really want to deal with it.<p>

Dov saw them strolling further up the block and bolted to catch up. "Gail!"

Recognizing the voice (unfortunately _not_ a figment of her imagination) Gail steeled herself and turned around. "What do you want, Dov?"

"Diaz send you to plead his case?" Luke guessed. He didn't know what had happened exactly but he sincerely doubted the bumbling fool deserved her.

"Don't do this," Dov panted.

_Seriously?_ "Maybe you should spend less time worrying about what I'm doing and more on your cardio routine …" she suggested, eyebrow raised disparagingly.

He could have told her it was more from nerves than lack of lung capacity but it was hardly the point. "Look - you don't want to get back with Chris?"

Gail turned on her heel to walk away.

Grabbing her arm Dov continued, "_Fine_; I don't blame you…"

"Funny," Gail marveled, knocking his hand away to cross her arms over her chest, "I don't recall _asking_ your opinion…" Who the hell did he think he was, anyway?

"But don't get involved with this guy…" Dov finished undeterred.

Luke raised an insulted eyebrow. "'_This guy_?'"

Realizing he was talking about a superior Dov added hastily, "No offence, sir."

"Of course not," Luke replied, rolling his eyes. "Can we go now?" he directed at Gail.

Gail looked away from Dov to nod at him. "Sure."

"Gail…"

"Go back to the bar, Dov," she sighed. "Commiserate with Chris on what a cold unfeeling bitch I am; call your little bomb squad girlfriend to remind yourself how great she is. _Whatever you gotta do._" Advancing on him she quietly advised, "Just stay the hell out of my life; you've screwed it up enough already..."

"And you think this is going to fix it?" Dov retorted, her tone setting him off. "Going home with a practical stranger?"

Gritting her teeth Gail pushed him out of Luke's earshot to hiss, "Why the hell not? I don't _have_ a home anymore, remember? I lost it when I lost my boyfriend. Then I lost my self-respect because I was living out of motels and walking around like a wounded animal…"

He heard the accusation and frustration seeping into her words. "I didn't…"

She cut him off with a sharp jerk of her hand, giving up trying to control the volume of her voice because all her effort was going into keeping it from cracking. "And I am _this_ close to losing my mind, too. So if I want to sleep with 'Can't keep it in his pants' Callaghan to make myself feel better then _no one_ is going to tell me I can't. Least of all you!" She turned around before he could see her eyes had become glossy.

Luke fell into step beside her. "Let me guess – no offence?" he faked indignation, trying to lighten the mood.

Gail pulled herself from her thoughts to shrug unapologetically. "It's the truth…" It was also his most appealing quality at the moment. His _least_ being that he'd taken so long and made them park two blocks away from the bar…

"Gail, can we go somewhere to talk about this?" Dov realized he'd taken the wrong approach but he didn't exactly have many options with Luke lurking.

"Now you want to talk?" she scoffed over her shoulder. "When I wanted to talk you pretended nothing had happened."

"What did you want me to do, Gail?" Dov huffed at her back. "Stand there while you let me down easy?" Frustrated, he grabbed her wrist and spun her around, snatching the other one out of the air just before her fist made contact. Holding them both he forced her to meet his eyes. "After everything I told you did you think 'easy' was even _possible_?"

"Don't give me that crap, Dov! You've still got your best friend, your girlfriend, _your _home!" Gail hissed, clenching her hands to try to get him to release her. When it didn't work she used his grip against him and drove them into his chest. "Considering you started this whole thing you got off a hell of a lot easier than I did!"

Ignoring the pain Dov hissed back, "If you think _any_ of this is easy for me then you're even more self-involved than I thought!"

Gail narrowed her eyes at him and started to struggle in earnest. "Let me go!" As soon as her hands were free she was going to kick his ass.

Luke made to step in and Dov glared at him. "Back off, man." Turning his attention back to Gail he whispered huskily, "I have a best friend I've spent the last year resenting. I have a girlfriend who has no clue I'm in love with someone else. And I have a place to live, _not a home, _because somewhere along the line home became _you_…"

Luke watched Gail stop struggling and her expression soften. "I'm just gonna go…" Neither of them said anything (or even acknowledged his existence) so he followed through.

Gail swallowed hard, staring into Dov's eyes, then managed to shake herself out of the stupor he'd put her in to look around.

"He's gone, Gail." Thankfully.

Shaking her head Gail blithely informed him, "I'm looking for the dude with the little statuette – that was quite the performance…"

Dov was so taken aback he dropped her hands, brow furrowed. "It's the truth…"

"Sell it to someone who hasn't watched you go about business as usual the last month…" And yet she'd _still_ almost believed him. Again. If being a cop didn't pan out and acting didn't tickle his fancy he could always try his hand at politics.

Was she kidding him?" I was trying to get things back to normal. I thought that's what you wanted!"

_Yeah_ – she wanted him to be all happy while her life was falling apart; he knew her well enough to know she wasn't _that_ gracious a loser. Or, you know, at all… "Do you know what it felt like to walk in on you and Chris joking around like I didn't even exist? How hard it was to listen to your stupid _stupid_ declaration of _whatever _and then have you throw your perfect little girlfriend in my face all the time?" Choking back a sob she poked him violently in the chest. "That's what _you _wanted! Not me!"

She'd managed to hit the exact same spot as before and Dov winced, immediately grabbing her wrists again. Holding them against his chest he corrected her with a fervent, "I _wanted_ to not be in love with my best friend's girlfriend. But guess what? It didn't happen. I wanted _you,_ but I couldn't have that, either. So you need to stop acting like any of this is what _I _wanted; you don't have the market cornered on miserable!"

Death glaring him through the tears Gail reclaimed her hands and headed back in the direction of the bar.

"This is it, Gail," Dov said quietly, turning but not moving towards her. "If you walk away from me now I'm not chasing you…" It was a gamble – she could just as easily tell him to take his ultimatum and shove it – but if he didn't put his foot down somewhere they'd end up going back and forth all night.

Gail came to a stop without turning around, jaw clenched. If it were anything else at risk she'd keep going just to spite him, and she hated that he had the power to force her hand like that. "Who says I'd want you to?"

Dov smiled through the overwhelming relief, even if it only confirmed she was going to be stubborn straight to the end. "You don't _need _to say anything; you talk too much as it is…"

His tone was light but she turned to give him a dirty look anyway; she'd let him get away with far more than she normally would anyone else and he dared mock her.

Silence descended as they stood there in stalemate, ten feet between them like a showdown at the O.K. Corral. When the crickets started to chirp and the tumbleweed started to roll Dov finally huffed, "Can you help me out here? That's twice now I've poured my heart out to you, quite eloquently I might add, and a little positive reinforcement would be nice…"

Gail wasn't one to wax poetic, wasn't really fond of allowing herself to be vulnerable, and she couldn't hope to be anywhere near as 'eloquent' as he'd been anyway. "Oh – now you want me to talk?"

Figures she'd find some way to use it against him. "As long as it's something I want to hear…"

She _could_ tell him what he wanted to hear, and mean it, too, but it wouldn't help them in the long run. Sitting on some nearby steps she took a steadying breath while he joined her. "My mother's had my whole life planned out pretty much since she found out I was a girl: become a cop, take the force by storm, and maybe start a family if it didn't distract me from the 'bigger picture.' I know she loves me, just wants what she thinks is best for me, but whereas most parents want _better_ for their kids she wants me to _be _her. _Seriously_. When I was young she'd have these uniforms specially made so she could parade me around at her dinner parties like her little Mini-me…"

Dov assumed she was going somewhere with it so he decided to play along. That, and the image of a pint-sized pig-tailed Gail in a police uniform was just too cute to ignore. "I'd pay for a picture of that."

Gail shook her head. "You wouldn't have to; she shows them to anyone who asks, and those who don't. Usually with a sigh and a 'I had such high hopes for her then…'" Making sure Gail heard it, of course. "Can you believe I was 12 before I got to wear anything else for Halloween? And that was only because I'd ripped it putting it on…"

"Accidentally on purpose?" Dov guessed. He was surprised it had actually taken her that long.

"Yeah – pretty much." She glanced at him before staring back out to the street. "She had a staff meeting that night, didn't have time to get a new one, so my punishment was sitting at home while everyone else went out and had fun. I didn't care, though; I made my own costume." Smiling at the memory she confessed, "It wasn't much – Steve's football jersey and my ballet slippers and dad's briefcase – but it was _mine._ I was so proud of it that my dad and Steve turned every room into a different house so I'd get to trick-or-treat anyway." _We won't tell your mother – will we, Luscinia?_

When she paused Dov had to make sure he'd heard correctly. "You were a _ballerina_?"

Gail gave him the side-eye before admitting, "For 6 horrible years. My mom said it helped with agility and focus; if I ever need to fouetté a fleeing perp I'm all set…" It actually _had_ turned out to be useful but that wasn't the point; the point was, "From day 1 she raised me to be a cop."

The regret in her tone was palpable and he felt the need to remind her, "You love being a cop."

She met his eyes and shrugged. "But do I love it because I love it or do I love it because I'm supposed to? No one dares go against Elaine Peck. Not even my dad. At work he's this awe-inspiring take-no-prisoners SOB but when it comes to my mom he's got the spine of an invertebrate. I doubt he's made a decision for himself since they started dating." She didn't think she needed to point out the similarities in her relationship with Chris. "Do you know they haven't even shared a bedroom since I moved out? But she won't let him get a divorce because it'd be proof she isn't infallible." That and she didn't want to give up his name. She had too much built on it, too many idioms attached to it. "'Pecks don't fail_. _'Ever_._"

Dov couldn't say he was surprised, not after the way Gail had reacted when her mom had visited the 15. And from what little he'd seen of the Superintendent he could tell that beneath the genial facade she was a woman who demanded nothing less than excellence and absolute obedience. It made managing to impress her that much sweeter. But he didn't carry the constant weight of being her kid…

Wrapping her arms around herself Gail avoided his eyes. "Anyway, that was my really long-winded way of telling you that I don't know. I don't know that I _want_ to be Chief of Police, much less a wife and mother. I refuse to think about the future because if I don't have any expectations then I _can't _fail." Or maybe not thinking about it was the one small act of rebellion she allowed herself.

Before she could tell him she couldn't deal with _his _expectations Dov defended, "I was high, Gail. I didn't realize half of what I was saying before I'd said it…"

"So you don't want to marry me?" she tested, eyebrow raised. "Or have kids with straw-colored hair and my eyes?"

Dov wasn't sure there _was_ a right answer to that question so he chose an ambiguous, "Yes."

Gail turned her gaze back to the street. "I was so mad at you for that – planting that seed – because then I couldn't _not _think about it. About how you'd be just like Oliver, acting all annoyed while secretly loving every minute of it; dedicated and doting and not giving a damn that everyone knows you're a big sap when it comes to your family…" She allowed herself a soft smile before warning him, "If you ever tell him I said that I'll deny it."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Not because Dov didn't appreciate the comparison but because it might have been the nicest thing she'd ever said to him and he wanted to keep it for himself.

"I pity my dad, you know?" she confessed, leaning back on her elbows to examine the stars. "I love him, I miss him, but I don't respect him. And I can't even visit because the trapped look in his eyes makes my heart _hurt._ She's killing him slowly…"

It suddenly hit Dov that she wasn't afraid of failing, she was afraid of _not _failing and what it would mean. Whether she realized it or not. "Gail, you're not your mother…"

She laughed without mirth. "Don't kid yourself, Dov; we're practically carbon copies. We're demanding and demeaning and we'd rather have subordinates than friends; we make arrogance an art form. The only difference is she deserves _her_ superiority complex." And Gail had yet to earn hers, as her mother was so fond of pointing out.

"You're wrong," Dov stated firmly, taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him. "I think you've spent so long trying to live up to her expectations that you don't even _know _who you are." He'd known her long enough, been privy to the rare times she'd let her guard down, to know she wasn't half as cut-throat or unfeeling as she liked everyone to believe. "If you'd stop focusing on who she _wants_ you to be maybe you'd be able to see what I see…"

Blinking back tears Gail wished she _could_ see herself through his eyes, if only for a second. "That's a very sweet notion, Dov, but it's just not true." She patted his cheek condescendingly for emphasis.

Dov knew arguing would be futile – he couldn't undo years of conditioning in one conversation – so he switched tacks. "Fine. Then I'm not your dad. Or Chris. I don't let you walk all over me and you know it."

She did know it – and she loved him for it – but that didn't mean it wouldn't change. She couldn't be responsible for _him_ changing. "For now…"

God, she was stubborn. "I've been standing up to you for more than a year…"

"It's not the same thing _and you know it,_" Gail mimicked. "What if a week from now, or a year, you realized it _was_ the real me?"

"It's _not_." Dov knew it wasn't, and if it took him forever he'd make her know it, too.

God, he was infuriating. "Say it _was_ – would you really be willing to give up your perfect girlfriend and less-than-perfect best friend for something that probably wouldn't even work out?"

Dov couldn't say it wasn't a lot to give up but he couldn't say she wasn't worth it, either. "It's gonna work out – I have a plan, remember?"

How could she _forget_ the plan? _The plan _had turned her life upside down. Still, she didn't think he was grasping the gravity of the situation. "You're gonna catch a lot of heat…" Not just from Chris but from all his friends.

It was the first time she hadn't referred to them being together as a hypothetical and Dov was afraid to say something that would send her running. Giving her a cheeky grin he joked, "I know, right? I just signed myself up for a lifetime of you keeping me on my toes…"

She knew it was his way of saying he didn't care without actually saying it, and this time she couldn't stop the tears from escaping. Whether it was because of the faith he had in them (in _her_) or because she was almost absolutely certain he'd end up regretting it she didn't know. "Why are you such a loser?"

Her tone was more resigned than scathing so he just shrugged, bringing a hand up to wipe the dampness from her cheeks. "I only look like a loser next to you 'cause you're so _awesome_…"

Blue locked onto blue and Gail decided she didn't care _whose_ eyes their kids had. When he started to move in she reluctantly put a finger to his lips and shook her head. "I'm not a cheater, Dov." Of all the things she _might_ be that wasn't one of them. No matter what anyone else thought.

Technically he'd be the cheater, not her, but Dov didn't think she'd see the distinction. Not that he _wanted_ to be a cheater… "Let's go…" Wrapping his hand around hers he stood, pulling her with him.

"Where?" she asked warily.

"You're going back to The Penny while I go talk to Sue." He wouldn't bring her with him, and he didn't want to have to put an APB out on her if (when?) she changed her mind and decided to disappear.

Gail's feet were suddenly rooted to the ground. "You sure you're sure about this?"

For someone so awesome she _sure_ was insecure. Cupping her chin with his free hand Dov sighed, "Have you not heard anything I said?"

If she admitted she had then she'd have to admit what it did to her and she wasn't quite ready to do that yet. Tamping down on the dread she faked a flippant, "Not really – it was pretty much all 'wah wah wah _wah'_ like the teacher in that stupid cartoon…"

There was just no winning with her. Dov threw up his hands in exaggerated exasperation, then started walking away.

Gail shook her head even though he couldn't see it. "Don't make me go back there…" It had been bad enough when they'd thought she was leaving with Luke. There was only so much 'deeply betrayed' and 'maternal disapproval' she could take in one night. That wasn't coming from her mother…

Dov turned to find her still standing in front of the steps, and he had to laugh at the awkward pout on her lips. If he ever got to see those pictures he was certain that was the expression she'd be wearing in them. "Come on – Traci'll protect you from Chris while I'm gone."

Eyes narrowed she informed him, "I don't _need_ protection; especially not from Chris…" He gave her a knowing look and she realized she'd been tricked. Damn him. "Why would Traci protect me, anyway?"

She still hadn't moved so he wandered back to her. "She's the one who convinced me to come after you."

"Great – then if we crash and burn I can blame it all on her," Gail retorted, only half-joking. She should have known Traci's constant 'I'm just curious' questions were really an interrogation. And Gail hated being 'read' like a common criminal…

Dov saw her jaw clench. "Be nice – if it weren't for her we wouldn't be here…"

"I don't _do_ nice," she reminded him. "How about I make her godmother of our firstborn instead?"

"Seriously?" That was easier than being nice?

"What? She's a good mom…" It seemed like a fair compromise. And it wasn't like Gail had a ton of friends to choose from…

Resigned to not winning the 'nice' fight Dov took her hand and started walking again. "If we don't do this there won't _be _a firstborn."

"But can't it wait until tomorrow?" she tried, dragging her feet. "It's late and Sue needs her beauty sleep…"

Dov ignored the half-hearted dig at his poor soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, knowing Gail was just trying to put it off. But he'd waited too long already. Turning to her he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him. "No – it can't." He brought his lips to her ear, whispering, "Tomorrow morning I want to wake up with you for the first time and wonder at my dumb, dumb, dumb, luck…"

Gail's heart skipped a beat and she could swear he was trying to see how many times he could make her cry in one night. She told herself the only reason it was working was 'cause her emotions were still raw from everything that had happened. "Promise me something?" she mumbled hoarsely, his face still in her hair.

Pulling away Dov met her eyes. "_Anything_."

His tone was so sincere Gail couldn't even mock him. "If you wake up one morning cursing your _bad_ luck you'll tell me…" She wasn't stupid enough to hold him to what he'd said in the cruiser but she needed to know he'd warn her if he started regretting it.

"I promise." Dov wasn't worried – it wasn't going to happen. "Now you promise me something…"

Gail wouldn't make a promise she couldn't keep. Giving him a criticizing look she deflected, "We're not naming a son after you – I won't subject my kid to a childhood of bullying."

Copying her earlier pout he corrected her, "I was bullied because my parents were hippies and I was a wimp…" _They_ weren't hippies and he sincerely doubted any kid of hers would be a wimp.

_Aw._ Setting thoughts of exacting revenge on whoever did it aside Gail forced a disbelieving eyebrow.

Okay, some of it may have been because of the name… "_Anyway_," he huffed, "That's not what I was asking…"

_Damn it._ Not being able to distract and/or intimidate her way out of things was going to take some getting used to. "Then what?"

Dov brushed her hair back with the hand that wasn't around her, his face becoming serious again. "Promise me you're not going to call it quits as soon as things get tough." He understood the position she'd been in with the Bibby thing but she hadn't even tried to work it out with Chris. "And you're not going to let your family dictate our life…"

"That's two 'something's…" Gail pointed out, partly to be contrary and partly because she wasn't sure she could follow through.

The argument could be made it was all the same (she'd broken up with Chris at Steve's urging, after all) but she'd probably refuse to see it. "Fine – then you get another one."

"Promise you won't let me…" It was pretty ingenious if she said so herself; that way if she broke a promise so did he.

She was so proud of her little loophole Dov didn't have the heart to tell her he hadn't been planning on it anyway. "Deal." Before he gave in to the need to kiss her (and thus run the risk of getting punched) he let go of her waist to take her hand. "Shall we go?"

Suddenly Gail was feeling better about the future; she might even have been (cautiously) optimistic about it. "Absolutely."

They walked in silence, Dov enjoying just being with her (finally), when he thought of something. "_And_ you have to give me a private performance of 'Let's Get It On'…"

Gail laughed, smiling affectionately at his profile. "Promise." That one she was _sure_ she could keep…


End file.
